Week 3 Story: The Golden Deer
Sita peered through the trees of the jungle. She heard a rustle that made both curious and scared all at once. She took a careful step forward and looked through the brush. Amidst the trees she saw a beautiful animal. It was a deer. Its fur was golden and its eyes sparkled with a ferocity that envied the sun. Silver spots speckled its back and its antlers were great and tall like the trees in which it hid. Sita's heart desired the animal. Its beauty was unparalleled. She wished to feel its soft fur and rest against its calming presence.
Sita approached Rama. "I have beheld a glorious deer in the glen. I wish to have it in companionship."
Rama felt uneasy at his wife's request. He had heard of devious rakshasas who took the form of deer in order to trick unexacting travelers. He refused his wife's request, but Sita pleaded.
Reluctantly, Rama gave in to his wife's wishes. He pulled his brother, Lakshmana, aside and asked, "Brother, keep an eye on Sita and protect her. These are demon-possesed forests and I do not want any harm to fall on her." Lakshmana gave Rama his word, he would hide and protect Sita while Rama went to capture the deer.
Hidden in the depths of the jungle, two rakshasas watched Rama leave his bride. The smiled a snaggle-toothed smile at each other. One of the demons was gifted with the ability to replicate voices. He called out in Rama's voice, "Oh, Sita! Help! Lakshmana, if ever you served me, brother, come save me!"
Sita heard her husbands voice and cried out in anguish. Lakshmana felt torn between his duty to his brother and his promise to protect him. Sita's pleading cries and sorrowful gaze forced his hand. He grabbed his sword and ran after his brother.
At this time, the other rakshasa who lay in wait was Ravana. The evil king of the demons. He desired Sita, now that she was alone, he would attack.
Author's Note: I'm retelling the story of how Ravana stole Sita from Rama and Lakshmana. In the original story, Sita wanted Rama to kill the deer for her. I'm morally opposed to that so I changed the story so that she just wanted him to be her friend.
Bibliography: The Ramayana Online Edition. Stories: Golden Deer, The Chase, Ravana and Sita
Sita approached Rama. "I have beheld a glorious deer in the glen. I wish to have it in companionship."
Rama felt uneasy at his wife's request. He had heard of devious rakshasas who took the form of deer in order to trick unexacting travelers. He refused his wife's request, but Sita pleaded.
Reluctantly, Rama gave in to his wife's wishes. He pulled his brother, Lakshmana, aside and asked, "Brother, keep an eye on Sita and protect her. These are demon-possesed forests and I do not want any harm to fall on her." Lakshmana gave Rama his word, he would hide and protect Sita while Rama went to capture the deer.
Hidden in the depths of the jungle, two rakshasas watched Rama leave his bride. The smiled a snaggle-toothed smile at each other. One of the demons was gifted with the ability to replicate voices. He called out in Rama's voice, "Oh, Sita! Help! Lakshmana, if ever you served me, brother, come save me!"
Sita heard her husbands voice and cried out in anguish. Lakshmana felt torn between his duty to his brother and his promise to protect him. Sita's pleading cries and sorrowful gaze forced his hand. He grabbed his sword and ran after his brother.
At this time, the other rakshasa who lay in wait was Ravana. The evil king of the demons. He desired Sita, now that she was alone, he would attack.
Author's Note: I'm retelling the story of how Ravana stole Sita from Rama and Lakshmana. In the original story, Sita wanted Rama to kill the deer for her. I'm morally opposed to that so I changed the story so that she just wanted him to be her friend.
Bibliography: The Ramayana Online Edition. Stories: Golden Deer, The Chase, Ravana and Sita
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| Sita Spies the Deer. Web Source. |
Hi Haley!
ReplyDeleteI loved reading your version of The Golden Deer. I think you did a great job using imagery and retelling the story. I really liked how you changed the part of where Sita would rather want the deer as a friend and not to kill it. I didn't like the idea of her killing the deer either. It just felt too cruel.
ReplyDeleteHello Haley! I just wanted to say that your story was a great read! You put a lot of thought and imagination into your writing and I have to say it payed off! I also wanted to say that you grabbed my attention from the beginning and had it till the very end! Keep up the good work! and good luck with your semester!
I thought this was a very descriptive version of the original. You described the golden deer more colorfully and vividly. The description of the rakshasas with snuggle-toothed smiles also perfectly aligned with my own mental image of them. I feel like you could've done a great job at describing Ravana at the end and what it was like, from Sita's perspective, to get taken. Especially since the story ends on a cliffhanger moment of the epic, you could really sell the feelings of Rama and Sita being torn apart before your story ends. This would also add great emotional description to go in with your vivid physical descriptions. Overall, nice job. I'm excited to see what you can add into this.
ReplyDeleteHey Haley! The imagery in your story was amazing! I feel like one thing I’ve noticed reading the Ramayana in class, is the use of vivid, descriptive language, and you did a great job emulating that in your story. I also like your word choice in general – beheld, snaggle-toothed, etc. It was also very nice that the deer didn’t get killed!
ReplyDeleteThis was a singular twist that completely changed the original vibe of the chapter, and I'm so glad to read a story where Sita doesn't want the deer needlessly killed! I loved the imagery of the deer in the original, and I especially love how you described it here. Your combination of good vocab and short and long sentences was very effective and read smoothly. I smiled at the use of snaggletoothed to describe the demons- it really helped me to visualize their appearance. I'm definitely curious what other twists within this scene could look like as well. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHi Haley, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. It was very descriptive and you definitely did a good job with your storytelling. Your version was also very interesting to read. Sometimes when I am reading I get lost in stories but your plot was very easy to follow. I also really liked that you used familiar characters from the Ramayana.
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